Reblogging Skinny City

December 30
He might say that, which hey I guess thats a plus or whatever, but look at this girl. She’s so sad, she got so skinny that the part of her body that creates your sense of direction (for the record, it’s in your kneecap. I’m a doctor so I know these things) shrunk so much. Now she’s sad because she can’t find the bank. Now some robbers are going to come up and steal her purse. That’ll be bad, but it gets worse, much worse. Yes, once she loses her purse she’ll get scared and try and find somewhere to escape to, but her sense of direction is all messed up, so she’ll end up running to the zoo. The thing about zoos is that they don’t really put enough signs up, so while those meerkats look friendly, their favorite thing to eat is humans. So then you’ll die in the meerkat cage. Is being skinny really worth that?

He might say that, which hey I guess thats a plus or whatever, but look at this girl. She’s so sad, she got so skinny that the part of her body that creates your sense of direction (for the record, it’s in your kneecap. I’m a doctor so I know these things) shrunk so much. Now she’s sad because she can’t find the bank. Now some robbers are going to come up and steal her purse. That’ll be bad, but it gets worse, much worse.

Yes, once she loses her purse she’ll get scared and try and find somewhere to escape to, but her sense of direction is all messed up, so she’ll end up running to the zoo. The thing about zoos is that they don’t really put enough signs up, so while those meerkats look friendly, their favorite thing to eat is humans. So then you’ll die in the meerkat cage. Is being skinny really worth that?

(Source: theskinnycity)

December 17
Ok, I really don’t even get this one. What’s wrong with your left boob that you don’t want it sticking out? (That’s her left boob sticking out, DUH!) It’s common sense that your boobs are traditionally the first place you lose fat, so if you get too skinny, you might not have any boobs. A girl who’s actually not as skinny as you would have a better chance at making this look good and stuff. To get it to slightly hang out though? You’ve gotta just stand there in a ridiculous position with your hand on your head, because if you move it might not hang out at all, or it might FLY right out of your shirt and then it’s like “oh we’ll hey everyone, you were going to go to the strip club just now, but I think you can cancel those plans because here’s a free show” and then some people get mad because they weren’t going to the strip club and should be offended.

Ok, I really don’t even get this one. What’s wrong with your left boob that you don’t want it sticking out? (That’s her left boob sticking out, DUH!)

It’s common sense that your boobs are traditionally the first place you lose fat, so if you get too skinny, you might not have any boobs. A girl who’s actually not as skinny as you would have a better chance at making this look good and stuff.

To get it to slightly hang out though? You’ve gotta just stand there in a ridiculous position with your hand on your head, because if you move it might not hang out at all, or it might FLY right out of your shirt and then it’s like “oh we’ll hey everyone, you were going to go to the strip club just now, but I think you can cancel those plans because here’s a free show” and then some people get mad because they weren’t going to the strip club and should be offended.

(Source: theskinnycity)

December 16
This one time I went to Paris with my school for spring break. It was 1997, which was a glorious time to be alive. We stayed at some fancy famous hotel, and I met this dude Louie. Louie was a pretty cool dude, he knew all these French words and had a really cool haircut, which was the style at the time. On our last day in Paris, Louis and I went to check out the Eiffel Tower. Louie brought a picnic basket, some wine, and something called ACID. I was like “Woah, Louie what is all this? Are you trying to get in my pants?” He said yes, but I was like whatevz you’re a cool bro. N E ways, we took the acids and were off on a magic journey, so many colors and shit, then we started eating the food, which was THE BOMB (that’s what the kids said in 1997) BUT the one thing I was not expecting was the cookies. Those fucking cookies were talking to me and bossing me around and shit. At first I was like “NOT COOL COOKIES” but then I just decided that the cookies were right. They told me to stab Louie, so I used a souvenir Eiffel Tower to do it, then I dumped his body in that famous body of water in France. I miss Louie, but I don’t miss cookies.

This one time I went to Paris with my school for spring break. It was 1997, which was a glorious time to be alive. We stayed at some fancy famous hotel, and I met this dude Louie. Louie was a pretty cool dude, he knew all these French words and had a really cool haircut, which was the style at the time. On our last day in Paris, Louis and I went to check out the Eiffel Tower. Louie brought a picnic basket, some wine, and something called ACID. I was like “Woah, Louie what is all this? Are you trying to get in my pants?” He said yes, but I was like whatevz you’re a cool bro.

N E ways, we took the acids and were off on a magic journey, so many colors and shit, then we started eating the food, which was THE BOMB (that’s what the kids said in 1997) BUT the one thing I was not expecting was the cookies. Those fucking cookies were talking to me and bossing me around and shit. At first I was like “NOT COOL COOKIES” but then I just decided that the cookies were right. They told me to stab Louie, so I used a souvenir Eiffel Tower to do it, then I dumped his body in that famous body of water in France.

I miss Louie, but I don’t miss cookies.

(Source: theskinnycity)

+
Actually skinny city, you’re right, that’s never happened. You know what happened next though? I BLEW IT’S FUCKING HEAD OFF BECAUSE HOLY SHIT AM I IN A ZOMBIE MOVIE OR WHAT? WHY WAS THAT SKELETON WALKING? It didn’t matter though because now it was dead and I probably saved the world. You’re welcome world. GET FAT: AVOID BEING MISTAKEN FOR A ZOMBIE CREATURE AND KILLED.

Actually skinny city, you’re right, that’s never happened. You know what happened next though?

I BLEW IT’S FUCKING HEAD OFF BECAUSE HOLY SHIT AM I IN A ZOMBIE MOVIE OR WHAT? WHY WAS THAT SKELETON WALKING? It didn’t matter though because now it was dead and I probably saved the world. You’re welcome world.

GET FAT: AVOID BEING MISTAKEN FOR A ZOMBIE CREATURE AND KILLED.

(Source: theskinnycity)

+
Have you ever eaten chips? Holy fucking god they’re good. Most of them have salt on them, I fucking love salt. They also have flavor crystals or something on them, holy shit is that artificial shit good. Some chips are made from potatoes. Potatoes are cool enough on their own, them shits have made millions of people in history survive through all sorts of terrible things. Other chips are made from corn, which is then turned into a tortilla. Tortillas are dooooooppeeee. Have you been to Mexico? Neither have I, but I know they use a lot of tortillas in their food. You know what would be good in a tortilla? ANOTHER FUCKING TORTILLA! Then in that tortilla you could put shit loads of amazing foods. But did you think chips stopped at just being corn or potato? FUCK NO DUDE! Then those shits get fried in oil. It’s a fact proven by doctors, scientists, and Tom Cruise that frying something makes it 100 times better. TOM CRUISE! But anyways, if you don’t want those chips, can I have them?

Have you ever eaten chips?

Holy fucking god they’re good. Most of them have salt on them, I fucking love salt. They also have flavor crystals or something on them, holy shit is that artificial shit good.

Some chips are made from potatoes. Potatoes are cool enough on their own, them shits have made millions of people in history survive through all sorts of terrible things.

Other chips are made from corn, which is then turned into a tortilla. Tortillas are dooooooppeeee. Have you been to Mexico? Neither have I, but I know they use a lot of tortillas in their food. You know what would be good in a tortilla? ANOTHER FUCKING TORTILLA! Then in that tortilla you could put shit loads of amazing foods.

But did you think chips stopped at just being corn or potato? FUCK NO DUDE! Then those shits get fried in oil. It’s a fact proven by doctors, scientists, and Tom Cruise that frying something makes it 100 times better. TOM CRUISE!

But anyways, if you don’t want those chips, can I have them?

(Source: theskinnycity)

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If you really want to hurt people with your hip bones you really should just tape knives to them, it’s much easier that way. See if you’re so skinny, you probably will be too weak to actually injure anyone, but it will creep them out because they’ll be mildly poked by something strange jutting out of your hip. Then everyone will slowly stop hugging you because you’re poking them with your hips. Back to the knives thing though, anyone can do that, and it can be any part of your body too! Wanna hurt someone with your Pancreas? YOU CAN DO THAT!

If you really want to hurt people with your hip bones you really should just tape knives to them, it’s much easier that way. See if you’re so skinny, you probably will be too weak to actually injure anyone, but it will creep them out because they’ll be mildly poked by something strange jutting out of your hip. Then everyone will slowly stop hugging you because you’re poking them with your hips.

Back to the knives thing though, anyone can do that, and it can be any part of your body too! Wanna hurt someone with your Pancreas? YOU CAN DO THAT!

(Source: theskinnycity)

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Not really no. Because the only thing your life is about is being skinny and pretty then no guy is gonna really want you. Sure some guys will be into you because maybe you’re slightly more attractive than you would be if you had 10 more pounds, but do you want that guy? He drives a fucking 1995 Camaro because he thinks its cool and listens to Nickelback, that dude is dumb, but hey, he wants to have sex with you! Get a personality, be funny, and then I’ll like you, but I won’t like you because you’re skinny.

Not really no. Because the only thing your life is about is being skinny and pretty then no guy is gonna really want you. Sure some guys will be into you because maybe you’re slightly more attractive than you would be if you had 10 more pounds, but do you want that guy? He drives a fucking 1995 Camaro because he thinks its cool and listens to Nickelback, that dude is dumb, but hey, he wants to have sex with you!

Get a personality, be funny, and then I’ll like you, but I won’t like you because you’re skinny.

(Source: theskinnycity)